2016.

It’s truly incredible to think and reflect that another year has passed. I am still not used to thinking and saying that it is now 2016. 2016! And yet, since finishing chemotherapy treatments this past summer, I’ve been thinking more and more about time, time passing, and comparing where I was a year ago with where I am at now, and it amazes me. To think that one year ago, I was about to start radiation in the midst of chemotherapy again, and now here I am, cancer-free, chemo-free, radiation-free. Oh, there is so much the body can do in just one year!  

And yes, I am re-reading old blog posts once again like a time-capsule, breaking open the box of my past thoughts, holding them like distant treasures. I am still in awe of what I was hoping for, praying for, predicting for and how at times I was so close and at other times so far away from knowing the wonderful surprises of the new year of the Soveriegn Planner. (His timing is always so good!)

From time-capsule blogpost “dear 2014”

2014, you somehow knew what I needed:

DEPENDENCE.

On God.
On prayer.
On the Word.
On family.
On friends.

Oh, I’m learning now how much I actually already knew independence, pride, selfishness, and that what I thought was adult, independent life in beginning of 2014 was really a mythical mirage.

[…]

I only ask some things of you now, dear friend 2014.

2014, can you whisper to 2015 and ask of the same things, to continue to grow me in humility and grace and dependence and gratitude?

2014, please show up again in my thought life and mind during 2015, reminding me of what happened between us to instill confidence in the Author and Creator of you?

2014, thank you.
2015, thank you in advance.

oh 2015, how you did continue to grow me in humility and grace and dependence and gratitude, and how I am learning deeper still that I have so much more to learn and understand about them. Because sometimes, more often than I like to think, my mind relapses on lessons learned, and my heart must be stubbornly taught once again. And yet, He is a faithful and patient Teacher (phil 1:6).

For instance, I see my heart learning more and more about the discipline of gratitude, that our hearts need it even more in times of goodness as well as suffering. Gratitude planted and sprouted within the soils of my sufferings, and now once the daily sufferings subside, the gratitude subsides with it, along with its by-product joy. Oh, how these little seedlings of gratitude and joy seem to wilt with neglect as my heart thinks that the growing “stability” of normalcy, of life seems to stem from self-centered me. Oh, how the seeds of gratitude must push through even harder soil of everyday-life clay in my heart!

oh, and there is so much to be thankful for for 2015!

  • Finishing chemotherapy treatments for the 3rd time in my life
  • My hair growing back
  • Being a Patient Champion for Nationwide Children’s Hospital Columbus Marathon
  • Josh and I dating
  • Meeting my favorite band Punch Brothers with one of my best friends Katie
  • Getting to move back into my house with wonderful and silly and stay-up-all-hours-of-the-night and supportive roommate-sisters
  • Tutoring at OSU once again
  • Meeting and making many more friends

There are the day to day things too of 2015 I could thank Him for, from sleeping in to early morning CABS bus rides with friends to drinking coffee without upsetting my stomache to recovering my memory more and more…These are truly the daily seeds of gratitude that I must plant in my heart and watch its field harvest grow bountiful.

dear 2016,
I ask the same of you as I did of 2015. I know He is sovereignly planning all good things in this 2016 year from events to my life, to people, to growing of my heart and relationship with Him. Help me to see them and experience them and thank Him again for them.

2015, thank you.
2016, thank you in advance.