we: the battle

I saw a battle take place.

Once again, God cornered me in his love, lovingkindness, hesed, grace.

Recall from Psalm 42, the 4 arrow-application points—

1. Meet with God
2. Meet with people
3. Question your thoughts
4. Look for purpose

Arrow 1 hit the bullseye perfectly, yes. Arrow 2 though had yet to come out of my quiver.

MEET WITH PEOPLE.

Two Saturdays ago, high school juniors and seniors came to visit our college Bible study for the week, a week that I love! While in the midst of trying to make breakfast, scramblin eggs, Kendra and Rachel come up to me, watching me, wanting to know how to help me. You see, we are making breakfast for about 20 high schoolers and 25 college students. I have 60 eggs in front of me to crack, milk to whisk into it, a large wok to cook it in.

I want to ignore them.

Crack.

The egg shell in my hand is just as fragile as I am. I’m losing it. I want to scream. I don’t want help. I want to run away from everyone and yet be with everyone at the same time.

Crack. 

I am losing it.

I abandon my task, slightly grateful that Kendra and Rachel are there, almost like prophets knowing this moment will happen as I hand them the eggs and bowl and milk. Transfer from holding eggs to now holding and grabbing Amy’s hand as I take her to the study, seclusion.

It’s gonna happen again:
tears tears, fears fears.

The fears.
I didn’t know them, really, truly, until they came out of my mouth. The brain somehow easily skips over the processing of thoughts completely until you try to form them to communicate with another. As I am telling her, I am really for the first time telling myself, processing, understanding.

Kendra appears too into the room, listens, and—dear merciful and empathetic heart—embodies the Living Word before me:

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12:15)

Cara appears too, and the battle against my thoughts are now full-force.

Amy and Cara try to reason with me. Tell me what is really true compared to my perception of circumstances. I try to battle against them with my fears, my tears.

Cara reaches for the Sword, reads aloud: Psalm 18 and Psalm 73. And Amy reaches as well for it, reads: Psalm 23. Their other defensive weapon: prayer. And I am sensing a peace somewhere that is not yet present but close, maybe there by the corner of the room? coming closer to me now. The Sword, their prayers slowing destroying the thoughts I had presented.

Yes, I had just witnessed a battle for my own life.

2 Corinthians 10

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Hurling my thoughts and fears toward Amy and Cara, and they struck back with the divine power of the Sword and prayer. I could almost see it, the fury of the windstorm between us in that room, the eastern wind battling with the western. I did see it.

When God recalled the 2 Corinthians passage to mind, He made me look at an important element—

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

WE.

The individual is not listed here, but the plural. How I had forgotten to necessity of others, my fellow soldiers. Why would you send only one soldier out? Recall, dear one, that there is always multiple, a team for a reason! I had be living and acting and battling as if I were the only one out there on that field, and yet my fellow soldiers came when I was crippled and unable to move, to battle for me when I couldn’t, recalling the biblical truths and praying when I couldn’t even think of one or how to. And even when I thought that being alone on the battle field would be best, that I would be saving my fellow soldiers from experiencing my battles, my hardship, instead I was leaving myself defenseless. The LORD has designed for us to be and function as an us, we. 

WE.

Recall, arrow-application point 2 of Psalm 42: Meet with people.

Right on target.

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