day 21.

Today, for my 21st dose of chemotherapy, for my 5th week of these drugs, I received it in a welcoming, friendly, and very creative bag:

my pharmacists at Children's rock!

my pharmacists at Children’s rock!

Smile.
Quite a delivery!

You can’t help but just smile when you receive your chemotherapy in a bag like that. Humans smile instinctually it seems in response to seeing another smile (even if it is a non-human one.) So much joy, so much smiling coming from a terrible, terrible thing, a drug that strives to do the opposite for me daily, to remove my joy and submit to its darker paths, hide into its dark bag and sit there in submission.

Smile.
Quite a delivery!

And I can tell you, this joy I receive from the Lord is definitely that. What a rare and unexpected gift to come out of something so completely opposite in nature, cancer. Yes, this joy from cancer is quite a delivery. And the connections between joy and trials, contentment and suffering are merely the reflections of the Word’s wisdom—

james 1

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Being joyful as you face suffering? Is this possible?! Oh yes, and God continues to deliver more gifts of joy, of hope through this trial that I see all the time. And the greatest one through it all that is being constantly unwrapped, that is so big I can’t see exactly all of its dimensions at once as it overwhelms me with its size, is my growing relationshp with him, this “faith that produces perseverance,” perseverance with Him and alongside Him, so that I am “mature and complete” becoming less and less of me and becoming more and more like Him, the true reflection of His daughter that I am.

The finite becoming more like the Infinite? Wow. Joy.

Quite a delivery—

The gifts keep coming:
growing and deepening relationships with friends and family
new friendships (Skylor, Mary)
growing understanding of myself

These cells within me that are striving to grow out of control, God within me and around me is growing ultimate life in Him and others.

day 21: quite the delivery.

Lord, keep my eyes and heart to see what you deliever me next through the unexpected. 

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