day 14.

chemo cycle 3.
day 4 of 5 consectutive treatments.

I’m starting to feel it all today, which is not surprising:
the fatique, mostly. Desiring sleep, sleep.

Recall, o my soul, the truths you heard yesterday when you woke up early, early:

lamentations 3

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

Yes, we are having trouble remembering these now, as you wake up today tired, tired. Wasn’t that true yesterday as it was today? Of course it was, but where is the power of those words today, for this new morning? Wait for him. 

This morning though, I feel the chemo-brain veil returning from the hanging closest. Drugs encircle my head (doesn’t this veil look bigger to you? It does to me) and it covers not only my mind, but my face and drug/fabric continues to tumble downward, surrounding, all-encompassing all over me. A complete body veil indeed.

This period of fatique is not an unexpected one, but an intruder still none-the-less.

Hold still: be patient with yourself and your body. There is a time for all things, to be sure, even the resisting resting. Patience, patience, as He is with you always and dearly.

ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Welcome to your time, to your season of rest. You are where He wants you to be, be it even though you which you were on one side of the “and” of another.

Hold on.
Wait for him.
And he will bring you back.  

 

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