decisions, decisions.

I’m currently in limbo. I have choices to make. I don’t like choices, options.

I’m in a state of waiting, again. I had originally been waiting 3 weeks for results, for the various scans to show me what is going on inside my body, for the images to become clear, for the biopsies to germinate and sprout.

I have Ewing’s again, that much is true and solid. But is it anywhere else? That is the waiting game and also the determining factor of what kind of treatment I might take up.

My options:

1. To just simply do radiation of the area and surgery to remove the tumor.
2. To do above + chemotherapy again for a year at least at Nationwide Children’s Hospital.
3. To do a clinical trial of chemotherapies at the University of Michigan through http://sarctrials.org/

These are all my options, all guided by my doctors, and I have the ultimate say. And there is no guarentee for any of them. My body could react a completely different way than anothers.

That is the very strange thing about cancers: the public groups them all together all the time it seems, lumps stats, throws stats in your face, but everything is all truly individual.
All treatment plans are individual.
All cases are individuals.
My cells are all multiplying individually.
How can you stop an individual from rallying up against you in your own body? That is the ultimate question.

So I need prayer. And I’m trying to, trust me, but with all these things, all these options its like how could you? How could you ever know and tell what is ultimately going to be the best one? Which one can you place your faith and trust in for the next approximate year? There seems to be no clear path nor answer quite yet. And that is where patiently and faithfully praying for insight and direction. Do I have faith that God will use whichever one I end up choosing? Absolutely. He has designed my body (miraculously) to uphold and withhold in crazy amounts of drugs, chemotherapies, radiations, that when I look down at my hands typing all of this, its truly amazing thing to think about that I am here and typing these things, these thoughts, these decisions now. wow.

One thought on “decisions, decisions.

  1. Jenna,
    I remember you and your sister at Huy visiting you dear Mother.
    I was with your Mom when the call came to the school and she found out about the 1st cancer. I prayed for you then and will continue to do so Your are such a testimony to God and he will guide you through this rough time. You are a beautiful gift from God and he is using you and your courage right now. Your attitude helps those around you deal with this too. God bless!

    Like

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